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Dated 28/11/06

Blogs can be a personal moan or an informative presentation of straight, technical informative. Ours is neither – it is our assessment of what is true.

The philosophical definition of truth, in the minimalist sense, says that there is no such thing as a 'definition of truth' and the only thing you can say about truth is that a sentence like ‘there is a 'camera' there’ is only true because 'there is a 'camera' and it is 'there'. This is a trivial thing to say but it is the only thing to say according to 'minimalist truth'. 'Absolute truth' however, as an 'absolute' is even more difficult to render or to comprehend, so let's not bother...

  Blog Boy



“Coming not very soon to a life near you.” Most middle-aged men, in England anyway, may as well have that printed on their t-shirts and have done with it. “Coming not very soon – if ever.” – and not even with an exclamation mark – what would be the point, there is never any urgency. Most men have done everything they ever wanted to do by the age of thirty and then all that's left for them is to become ‘trailers’. This means that somehow they manage to find a woman who will put up with them and then they follow her around like some sort of agreed stalker.

This is not about sex. “coming not very soon” is about limp, flaccid enthusiasm, or total lack of ambition. It seems to me that women make all the decisions and only expect their man to confirm them. Pretending it’s his idea is an art form, of course – and women have become the masters of suggestion, but it is a poor substitute for a real soul mate.

Where it all goes wrong though, is when the man, the ‘trailer’, either misreads the signs, or they are communicated incorrectly by inexperienced women, or ‘bored with their trailer’ women. At these times the ‘trailer’ will either err on the side of caution and say “No” when the answer should be yes, or become wildly adventurous and pretend he is in charge. Sometimes, in order to regain control – or normality, as women call it, they walk off. Usually this has the effect, of causing the ‘trailer’ to lose his sense of purpose and become disorientated – it’s like she walked off with his dick – and in some senses she has. After a short time of bewilderment and minor pretentiousness, he will return to his partner's side – or just slightly behind to be more accurate.

In our society of socially conscious primates, it is generally thought and often expected that the male is the leader and can even have two women at once provided he keeps it quiet. However, the average trailer will find it difficult trying to follow two women around at once and this is why many English men are not particularly good at having affairs – it’s just too hard deciding to go from one woman to the next without the specific instructions and a written letter of consent from the woman he is currently with. Usually, the ‘other’ woman will text him, or something like that and he will follow his dick – returning only when he believes that the ‘other, other’ woman (his real partner) thinks he should be there. Then and only then, will he make what he thinks is ‘his decision’ – usually after looking at his watch and pretending he is a busy man and it would all be different if it were… all different… somehow?

It is a sad thought, and not very PC, but perhaps the ideal situation for any able-bodied ‘trailer’ is if his wife is incapacitated in some way or perhaps in a wheelchair – a level playing field. Then he can follow and lead at the same time. Again, not very PC, is the thought that if she is not capable of sex, or just not particularly interested in having it with him, then he also has an excuse for having another woman to help him with his frustrations without needing to feel too guilty about it. The ‘other woman' will be quite accommodating about this. ‘Other’ women are very competitive and love it when they feel they have one up on the spouse – especially if it is something fundamental, like walking.

The main problem I have with ‘trailers’ is that if you have produced something like a café, a teashop or a museum, something that requires the general public to help things along, it can be really awkward getting people inside if the ‘trailer’ is out of sorts or the female ‘puppet master’ has lost all interest in guiding him forward. Of course, all men are not trailers and I don’t have that problem, myself. For even though I am a man, I tend to have an interest in things that are normally considered the domain of females, so my work is usually of interest to them – if not actually produced for them. Of course, in my ‘man’s mind' world I would naturally think that I am in control of them to some degree – in giving them what they want and enticing them, but maybe not, maybe I am just a trailer too – one that is attached to many women. Maybe they make me do what I do so they can say to their partners – look, why can’t you be more like him and be more interesting and entertaining? “What, build a museum!” reply the trailers, looking at their watch, using exclamation marks and suggesting they are too busy…

You see, that’s the problem – I’ve given trailers the perfect way out and so have their women. What woman would expect their man to build a museum when they themselves tell him time and time again that he can’t even put a shelf up?

Peter Hague, 28th November, 2006


If your husband ever mentions having sex in a car park, buying a caravan, or doing anything remotely useful such as having a cup of tea or visiting a museum, just remember it was your idea!


This weblog and others by the same author may be upsetting to some people and we apologise if that is the case. Some of the thoughts, words and ideas expressed may be considered inappropriate for the owner of a museum and teashop – but that's creativity, for you – you can't have both. All the comments above were the opinions and thoughts or probable opinions and thoughts of the author at the time they were written and may not be the opinions or thoughts of the same author now. Nor do they concur with the general philosophy behind The Victorian Teashop or Life in a Lens Museum – even though the author of this site is the creator of both – but hey, that's what insanity does for you. We also apologise if any of the material in this web log is in any way offensive, it's just that we have strong competition from Aunt Agony on The Victorian Teashop site and sometimes things get a little out of hand.
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